The Marvels of Modern Cinema: The Black 6
We have very few words for The Black 6, and it evidently demands none.
If we could sum this movie up in a single word, it would be this picture:
That is a picture of us after watching it. I know. Whoa.
Seriously though, this movie is about black motorcycle men who are cursed with the ability to destroy buildings with their bare hands. Eventually the leader of the gang, Billy “D” Williams, gets a letter from a fat woman who wants him to try her chili. They do that, and then they fight about freedom. We then proceeded to skip 4 scenes…
…and happen upon 40 minutes of the black men destroying a biker gang run by a man inexplicably named Thor. By the end of it, there were approximately 451 flares on the battleground and all of the Black 6 were covered in the blood of the innocent. The movie ends with a man holding his flare in the opening to his gas tank, and then EXPLODING.
It is movies like this that give me hope for the future of cinema. On one hand, we have multi-zillion peso blockbusters like Titanic and Wayne’s World that feature acclaimed actors and special effects and plotlines. And on the other hand, we have The Black 6: A movie that features 6 football stars as motorcycle men who demolish buildings by slamming doors (I am serious, this happens no less then 4 times during the movie).
I rest my case.
On an unrelated note: in a google-aided quest for an articulate way of saying “Holy fuck, he just knocked down a building for no reason!” we found out that The Bible says that Black people are the result of a HORRIFIC HAM CURSE. Interesting.
September 15, 2006 at 2:02 am
It took a while for me to realize that Ham was the name of a person. Fucking genius.